I Just Died in your Arms Tonight
by penpaninuSessh
Summary: What thoughts go through Aang's head? A look at the confusion warring around his love for Katara.


Unspoken love, requited unspoken love is what I get from watching Avatar. The kids have a job to do, and not a lot of time to do it in. Nor alot of room for themselves or comforts... or even a moment to feel good to say the most magical words in the world... "Clean your damn room!!!" Hehe just kidding. Aang loves Katara, it's apparent, and I think he's wiser than his twelve well... 112 years. He understands the demands his title holds and he knows it would bring more pain to Katara if something were to happen to him were he to act upon his feelings... Read on!

Disclaimer: I do not own the likenesses of Avatar or any of its characters. The emotion of Aang I've tapped to tell a story however.

"I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight"

(an Aang POV short story by penpaninu)

The power inside me consumes me.

The old monks said the Avatar existed to save the world, and they may be right. This is all very well and good, because I grew up in a place called The World and it should keep on going for everyone else on it... but I've always had a nagging thought at the back of my mind the monks could never erase. How can I save the world when I can't even save myself?

I have opened my eyes to the skies above and transcended myself to powers I can't fathom or, at times, even can't control. Only Katara's hands on my arm or the tears in her eyes stop me from just letting it all go and letting it all lash from me in a riotous rage against all who bar our way. Katara is the only thing keeping me from forgetting myself and loving me is killing her inside. Many times we've helped those in need, peasants and farmers who need a strong hand to protect their simple lives of scratching in the dirt to feed small, hungry mouths. They aren't awake to the chaos around them and inside me and I envy them so much that they don't see it or can't see it. To them, a loving family is all they need. I see it in Katara's eyes everytime we save a child or mother. Her womanly compassion takes over and she cradles them close, as if her heart alone could take all the bad away and make it better. Her strength is good enough for everyone else BUT her, because I dare not hold her up and rebuild her iron walls...

If I do that, if I show an inkling of my feelings, she will open herself to me and that would kill me. The Avatar is supposed to sacrifice for the world selflessly and without ties to bind him. She is my burden, but she is also my strength. If I allow myself to believe in my feelings... then I would be torn.

I am already torn, between her and evil, right and wrong. I'm growing every day beyond my child-like body, beyond the youth upon my face. I don't understand my body's awakenings, but I do understand the pain in my chest whenever I see her smile, or sigh, or cry. Too young to know I'm in love, are I? Tell that to the bruise inside my breast that won't go away. Too young to understand the excitement in my flesh whenever we touch? Why do our touchs spark hotter than bending fire? She has blushed in response to the small moments where we're just a boy and a girl... I was told girls mature faster than boys, so if I feel it, then she must feel it a hundred times more. How can she keep from being with me?

It's in my eyes, it's in my fate. I know what I have to do, but I can't leave her behind. I just want Katara to live a long life, older than her old Gran, with grandchildren and great-grandchildren asking for stories of how we saved the world. I want her to grow fleshy with the weight of several babies in her life, and I want them all to never be raised in a monastary far from love.

I want her to be with me. Destiny is cruel when it says I can't think about that. She needs a good life, and a good man. She needs a cozy home and the white-washed fence, the whole dang nine yards. She needs happiness.

And I can't give that to her!! They say I am strength because of the elements at my beck and command. But it is stronger still to be able to give the woman you love the kind of life she deserves. She will never know the pleasures of married life, or a child if she stays with me. And she won't leave. She loves me too much. And I love her too much to make her go away.

We walk side by side, together but hopelessly far apart. Were I not the Avatar, I wouldn't be afraid to take her hand, even dare kiss her and really freak Sokka out. But I can't because the entire world needs me more.

I wish I were born somebody else.

END for now

I realize I missed season three, hell I still have season two to finish! I love this series even though I may be too old for it. I always got this feeling from Aang, especially in the later episodes I've seen. Review review! Or this twenty something year old (coffcoff old) will be sad lol. I listened to the song this story is titled after, 80s song by Cutting Crew :P

sincerely, penpaninu 10/1/07


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